water - dlo

I'm not exactly sure why, but today I feel compelled to write about water. 
First off, you all should know that I have a very close relationship with water. I absolutely love everything about it; drinking it, swimming in it, showering in it, the noises it makes, the way it can distort all of our senses. Every time I go on a trip overseas, I realize how much I take my beloved water for granted.

The word for water was one of the first Creole words we were taught. Dlo. Actually the entire week I thought the word for water was GLO, because it practically sounds the same, but I guess the kids all understood what I meant anyways.

It's not that there is a shortage of clean water in Haiti. The safe water comes packaged like you see in the picture above; just like the classic office water cooler. At various times throughout the day, you will hear what sounds like an ice cream truck. I later discovered that these joyful musical trucks did not indicate ice cream, but water jugs. Basically any water you need, comes from this truck. Most houses have well systems in their courtyards, but they have to pay the city in order for there to be any water in the wells. It's kind of the same thing in the United States, but running water in Haiti is hard to come by.

I think that's the thing I take most for granted. A flushing toilet. A shower. Just washing my hands when they feel dirty. Filling up my water bottle with any water source I can find. These things are unusual if not nonexistent in Haiti. If you don't have water in your well or in your jug, you just have to tough it out.

Zanfan boys hanging out by the empty water jugs

The hotel we stayed at had running water. We had to brush our teeth with bottled water, and keep our mouths shut in the shower... but THANK THE LORD for a flushing toilet, and a cold shower at the end of the day has never felt better! Most public restrooms (such as the ones at Zanfan and the church) had toilets that simply maintained waste until they were emptied, which could be that night, or the end of the week, I honestly don't know. All I know is that the stench was unbelievable. Just imagine three non-flushing toilets in a church containing 1,500 people. I have never been more thankful for dripping in sweat. I was reminded of Corrie ten Boom and her sister thanking God for the fleas in their concentration camp barracks. They were thankful because the fleas kept guards away so they could have Bible studies in peace. I was thanking God for being soaked in sweat, because it meant that I didn't have to use the public restrooms. At times, the church bathroom hallway was filled with 1-2 feet of "water" that I'm sure overflowed from some questionable source.

Fortunately, Grangou provides food and water for Zanfan Lakay. However, they are not careless with their water like you or I may be. I think that's why it was so touching when the kids at Zanfan would wash our hands and feet and faces for us. Not only was it an incredible act of compassion and service, but it was also demonstrating that we were worth their precious water. Our feet being clean was so important to them that they would use their clean water to wash away our filth. 

What an incredible image of servant-hood. Whether these children know it, they are walking and living the Gospel. Praise the Lord!

welcome, Fall Collection!

Hello family, friends, and internet!
Schools are back in session, the weather is cooling down (a tiny bit) and fall is around the corner! This means new fabrics and styles for headbands. Woooooooo!

I know a lot of you are thinking "but she is already back from Haiti!"
True. Very true.

However, I will continue selling headbands to raise money for my future endeavors, including pursuing the call for long-term missions! I am so extremely excited to let you all know that God has been preparing me the past three years for this. I will keep you all updated with details as soon as they are set in stone.

New headbands will be for sale on my Etsy in the near future. If you want to order a specific style and fabric, email me at haneliven@gmail.com

Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I am so blessed :)

the cemetery

inside the cemetery

One of the final days in Haiti was spent in a much darker and less encouraging area of Port-au-Prince; the cemetery. 

The cemetery in and of itself is a very daunting place. Not only are there dead bodies buried in the above-ground crypts, but the earthquake disturbed many of the graves, exposing the coffins and bones of those already buried. The cemetery is also the heart of voodoo practice in the city. Needless to say, a frightening place has been made that much more frightening.

This particular cemetery is huge. So big, in fact, we had to have "tour guides" of sorts. It is one of the only public places in the city that is heavily guarded. Haitians are required to pay to get inside, whether it is for a visit, voodoo rituals, or just for a sheltered place to sleep. Unfortunately, there are many women who are so desperate for a "safe" place to spend the night, they will sell their bodies to the men guarding the cemetery in order to sleep inside the secure walls.

It is sad enough that these women are desperate enough to sleep in a CEMETERY, but to be sexually exploited in order to be "safe" for a night is absolutely heart breaking. 

jimmy with some of the cemetery women

Before Jimmy found the boys and turned his life around, he too lived in the cemetery. He knows the people who live there, the pathways. It was strange, he seemed strangely comfortable there, I guess because at one time it was his home. I felt safe walking around the cemetery with Jimmy, because everyone there knows and respects him. Although, sometimes Jimmy would hide behind crypts, jump out, grab us, and scream as we walked by. Such a practical joker. I would just yell at him and punch him in the arm. He loved it.

Walking around any cemetery feels eerie, but because of the voodoo rituals that are performed, as soon as we walked through the gates I instantly felt a tightness in my chest. My hands shook the entire time we were there, and my lungs couldn't quite breathe full breaths. I found myself saying silent prayers in my head as I took pictures of certain crypts where voodoo practices are carried out. Almost as if I needed to remind myself "God, You are here. You are stronger than this. You have overcome the world. You are still in this place. Calm my anxious heart. You are still here."

this particular crypt is full of water. people come here to bathe, wash clothes, and perform voodoo spells. (they will mix "potions" in here, one eye, one goat heart, etc.)

people believe that a voodoo serpent lives under this crypt. Once again, spells are cast into these waters.

this man was practicing voodoo the entire time we were in the cemetery. here, he is holding burning incense, taking a swig of alcohol, then pouring it over the cross.

yes. that is a human skull. with hair.

paintings on the walls show voodoo practices. Here is yet another place rituals are performed.

Although it was very unsettling to watch voodoo being carried out, it led to some interesting conversations with Jimmy, our bodyguards, and translators. These are the people who we love and now hold dearly to our hearts. It was so comforting to hear their thoughts about the voodoo rituals that are so prevalent in Haiti. "No, this is crazy. I grew up in the church." was their overall response. It made saying goodbye a little easier, knowing where their hearts are and feeling confident that I will see them again one day; maybe not in Haiti, but definitely in heaven.

Located in the very back of the cemetery is a small courtyard in remembrance of the earthquake. It is not very elaborate, but it is so heart breakingly beautiful. All four cement walls contain imprints of names; people, and places that were all destroyed on that day. The entryway marks the date and exact time of the disaster. 

the Haitian flag waves over the courtyard

the mural paints a picture of the earthquake: the greediness of the government, the UN coming in to help, the destruction and brokenness. The angel is made up of found objects from the streets, and represents those lost.

this is a picture of the dead that were piled in the streets.

Even though much of Haiti has been destroyed and not put back together, there are glimpses of the beauty remaining. Every now and then, you can see what God had in mind when creating Haiti; mostly this beauty is found in the people.

disrupted coffins

overgrown crypts

skulls, skulls, everywhere skulls

goats / garbage piles up in every corner of the cemetery

This man asked me to take his picture, and made sure his identification papers were seen.

every "river" contains more garbage than actual water

I am so thankful that I decided to take this extra trip to the cemetery. It was by far one of the most difficult parts of the week. This is where I saw the most oppression, greed, brokenness, and hopelessness in all of Port-au-Prince. However, I know that our God is good. And even though we can feel the presence of spiritual darkness all around, I know that our God is greater, and He has overcome the world! Praise the Lord, we do not have to be afraid!

Jimmy

Jimmy

At first glance, he is by far the scariest looking person I have ever seen in real life. I have been scouring all the Haiti pictures trying to find one that shows how intimidating this man seems in reality. I never could find one though... probably because Jimmy is the furthest thing from it. 

The best way I can put Jimmy into words is describing him as Aslan from the Chronicles of Narnia. Jimmy is an ex-gang member. He lived in various places around Port-au-Prince such as the cemetery and the streets in general, crime practically being his occupation. Until one day, Jimmy had a wake up call. There were all these children living on the streets around him. Why was he living a life of crime when these kids needed help? Who was going to help these kids if he didn't?

So Jimmy gave up his bachelor and crime filled lifestyle and began caring for the abandoned, undocumented, homeless children of Port-au-Prince. Specifically, Jimmy took in about 75 boys who were all squatting in a 10x10 sewer substation. The boys had sleeping shifts since there wasn't enough room for all of them to even stand in the building. He taught them how to survive without stealing, and he began teaching them lessons in the tiny building. This building and group of boys soon became known as Zakat Lakay. 

Zakat - the sewer substation where 75 boys lived before Jimmy found them.

Eventually, Carrie Gibson and her husband heard of Jimmy and what he was doing for the street kids of Haiti. This is when their organization Grangou came to be. 

Grangou helped Jimmy provide for these boys, eventually moving them into the house now known as Zanfan Lakay.

Every time I hear or tell Jimmy's story, I am so dumbfounded. What kind of man would completely turn his life around on a dime, take in and care for 75+ children? The only explanation is that Jimmy is crazy. 

His selflessness is astounding. I love to just watch Jimmy interact with people. His exterior screams danger, while his heart proves otherwise. He is the most patient, loving, understanding and compassionate person I have ever known. While at Zanfan Lakay, you can tell how the children respect him. His past shines through every now and then, when he has to discipline one of the boys. But he does it out of love, and it shows. I have already described how in love I am with the children of Zanfan, and it has almost everything to do with Jimmy. "He is not safe. But he is good."

Just like Aslan, he is feared by all because he is powerful. Jimmy could probably kill someone if he wanted to. But he is good. He uses his power and his influence among the community for good. He is a living example of the gospel. His life is a beautiful picture of Christ's love for us, and his grace and mercy for us.

One day when we were playing at Zanfan Lakay, I turned to see Jimmy sitting on the steps. Instead of seeing his threatening appearance, I saw the way he calmly sat there, as a 7 year old girl leaned against him, playing with his hair. I don't know why this impacted me so much, but it that image just makes me want to cry. The way he loves is so beautiful. I feel so safe when he is around. He is only 39ish years old, but the Lord has already used him in huge ways. I am so thrilled to know Jimmy, and I hope to be a part of the plan God has in store for him. Thank God for Jimmy. Because of him, the children and people living on the streets of Haiti have been blessed and seen the Lord's light. Praise God.

jimmy admiring his new wedding ring

a byento - soon

(journal entry from july 29)

today we left Haiti. I can't remember the last time I have cried so much. I left my heart in Port-au-Prince at Zanfan Lakay.

We packed up and left the hotel around 8 this morning. I went out to the street really quick to buy more souvenirs. There are about 4 street vendors outside our hotel gates and they are all the sweetest people. Unlike other countries I have visited, they were very considerate and always said, "God bless you," even if I didn't buy anything of theirs. I left feeling encouraged and uplifted. However, Frantz was getting mad at me because I wasn't haggling. I told him I was too nice to haggle, but I tried just for him.

We all loaded up on Doukans' Tap Tap & listened to tonight a few more times. (The song is actually called Give Me Everything by Pitbull. It is Doukan's favorite song, therefore we listened to it on repeat most of the week.) I felt bad because it's Sunday, so everyone was dressed up nice to go to church and here we are blasting Tonight. But it was awesome.

Last night we moved all the Zanfan boys to their new home down the street. It was so amazing to me how the boys helped do everything without being asked. Also, the image of kids walking down the street holding chickens, geese, and ducks is priceless.

transporting the ducks and chickens

carrying the bird cage to the new house

We did a church service for the boys at Old Zanfan Lakay. We sang all the classics: Today is The Day, Chante, Our God is Greater... When worship was kind of trailing off, Doug said, "do they know How He Loves?" and immediately, all the older boys began singing the chorus acapella. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. Cry #1.

Cry #2: after Eric's message - How God loves us even though we sin - Pastor Pierre asked if anyone wanted to accept Jesus into their hearts. 17 kids stood up, and even one of the ladies that works at Zanfan. When they were repeating Eric's prayer out loud, I couldn't help but sob. 

standing up to ask Jesus into their hearts

When Jean Paul saw me crying, he was so concerned. "Promise me you won't cry. It makes me cry when I see you cry."

"I promise"

"Ana, you promised you wouldn't cry! What did you say to me?"

The little boy sitting to my right saw that I was crying. He gently took the sleeve of my shirt and wiped the tears from my eyes. He had also seen that I had begun to peel off all my nail polish, so during the church service he held my hands and picked the rest off for me.

Jean Paul, making me promise not to cry.

Last night and this morning we celebrated Kathia and Jimmy's one year anniversary. Everyone was dressed up in their Sunday best (Bob Marley beanie included). Eric and Pastor Pierre renewed their vows and Kathia surprised Jimmy with a wedding band. It was the sweetest thing ever. We popped some bubbly and Carrie brought cakes for all the kids. Afterwards, all the boys were walking around with white icing beards on their faces. Goobers.

Kathia and Jimmy renewing their vows

Cry #3. They made us shoes. 

Since most, if not all, of the children at Zanfan Lakay are undocumented, none of them will be adopted. They will remain in Haiti the rest of their lives. Because of this, Zanfan teaches the older boys trades so they will be able to provide for themselves when they have to leave Lakay. They tan their own hide and make shoes and bags. 

They gave us all shoes.

Kathia also gave me a beautiful set of jewelry in the Haitian flag colors that she made herself.

Cry #4 - saying goodbye to Kathia.

Cry #5 - saying goodbye to Jimmy.

"I will never forget you."

I told Jimmy and Kathia that I want to come live in Haiti. Kathia said she would be so happy and Jimmy said he will be waiting for me with a room and an air mattress.

All the kids ask me if I am coming back in December. I hope it will be sooner than that.

Cry #6 - big time.

I was holding a baby while hugging Ali and Fatima goodbye. I lost it. When they saw I was crying they were all so concerned. The baby just looked at my with worry in his eyes. Ali said, "Ana don't cry, you promised!" Fatima just hugged me tighter. Jackencia saw me, ran up to me and just starting wiping the tears from my face saying, "ana... ana..." 

"until next time."

Big Cry #6

kè m' te rete an Ayiti - my heart stayed in Haiti

Zanfan Lakay

How could you look at this picture and not immediately fall in love with these beautiful people?


There is so much to say about my time in Haiti. It felt like a lifetime, when in reality it was only 7 days. It is hard for me to describe how my heart feels being back in the United States. I know that I left a huge part of it with these boys (and seven girls) of Zanfan Lakay.


Since there is so much to say about my trip, I have decided to give the abridged version, then dedicate individual posts to people who especially impacted me while in Haiti. But first, I will try to break down the most amazing week of my life into this post.


(my journal entry from July 24)
I woke up this morning with incredibly sharp stomach pains. So instead of going to VBS leader training with the others, Addie stayed back with me and Mary (who had food poisoning). Most of my day was spent sweating in my room, reading and resting.
Later on, when the team came back from training, I felt better enough to go to Zanfan for a bit. As soon as we got there, the kids went wild. Christalin found me and look me in the eyes and said "Ana." almost like he meant, "you came back, just like you said." he embraced me and kissed my cheeks. He kept pulling away, looking into my eyes, saying my name, then embracing me again. This boy.
I brought my camera to Zanfan today, and almost immediately lost it. I wasn't concerned though, because all the boys there are so respectful and were careful with it. I am excited to go through the pictures later to see all the photos these crazy boys took.
I finally learned my girl's name. Fatima. my "sister". She is actually Jimmy's daughter. She is so incredibly smart. She teaches me how to say words in Creole. Today she was wearing a shirt that said "joy", which I thought was very appropriate since she is so joyful, loving, servant-hearted, compassionate, most amazing little girl.
Christalin took my hand and walked me around, teaching me words in Creole. More than that though, he wanted to know how to say the word in english, french, and spanish! I did my best, but sometimes he would just laugh and me because he knew I didn't know some words.
He somehow realized that the chickens in the yard scared me. So naturally, he picked one up, danced with it a bit, then started chasing me with it.


That boy knows how to speak my love language.

Christalin dancing with the chicken

(journal entry from July 25)

today was an early day. we left the hotel around 6 am in order to get to the VBS church in time. 

Basically, Haitian traffic is horrific, and drivers are all crazy.

We were on the Bad Tap Tap, where the boards aren't big enough for the seat frame, so really you are just sitting on metal bars the entire time. The ride lasts for about 2 hours, sometimes less.

Frantz (one of our translators) was in our tap tap and he was telling us about the earthquake. He was in a building with Bidjee (another translator). When the quake started, he was upstairs and managed to run outside, which is what you are supposed to do in an earthquake.  But Bidjee and another one of their friends had been on different levels of the house and he didn't know if they were safe. 

Haiti is still so dusty and there is rubble in the streets and abandoned buildings because of the earthquake. There was so much destruction, it's almost as if they gave up trying to clear it all up, so they just live in it.

Frantz says he has a lot of friends that he has never seen again since the earthquake. He says people were crushed in the buildings "like a sandwich". Buildings still contain dead bodies from the disaster, but the Haitians just leave them there because there is no longer any way they can help me. They are already dead.

Frantz told us about people that were trapped under rubble for 19 days. They all said that they saw an old man with a long beard feed them and give them water during the time they were trapped. They all believe it was Jesus.

VBS was chaotic, but Emma and I got to know Doodzilla and Bidjee (our Snack translators). Doody is super tall so he calls us Shorty 1, Shorty 2, and Shorty 3.

Frantz and Doodzilla

Bidjee

Zanfan was great. Christalin kept pulling me over to a boy who speaks English. Finally I found out that he was asking me to adopt him. All I could say was "I so wish I could."

All throughout snack time at VBS, Christalin was being trampled over because he was getting water for his friends.

He hugged my neck, kissed my face, embraced me and repeated, "Ma. Ma. Ma." All I can do is hold his sweet face in my hands and tell him I love him. 

"Ana. I love you."

As soon as the girls at Zanfan realized I have bangs, they liked to do my hair like an Asian girl, naturally.

day one in haiti

I am in love with this country. 


Actually, I am in love with the people here. 
We have been in Haiti for a little over 24 hours now, and I never want to leave. We are in a town close to the Port au Prince airport - I think it's called Delmas. Our hotel is so much nicer than I imagined! The "rooms" are really two story apartments with a kitchen, a sitting area, dining area, and upstairs has two bedrooms (each containing two double beds and an AC unit!), and we have a bathroom with a shower. Nice. 
Emma, Addie, Taylor and I are rooming together for the week. The other people on the trip are Kim, Eric, Matt, Austin, Caleb, Mary, and Sarah. There are also about 11 other people here with us from California. 
okay. 
So now about Zanfan. 
I don't even know where to begin. 
The love I already feel for this place makes me speechless. 
Today we arrived at the new Zanfon house and began to clean! We were mopping floors inside and out. I had fun prying to break the language barrier with the boys helping us. Who knew it could be so difficult to ask "what should we do next?" One boy in particular stuck out from the rest of the Zanfon boys. I later learned his name - Christalin. He is 12 years old and a born leader and servant. Anywhere work was being done (cleaning, painting, mealtime...) he would somehow know about it and he would be there, helping. serving. joygully. Putting EVERYONE before himself. He washed my hands for me. He would take my hand, lead me to their clean water, and literally wash my hands for me. His compassion is incredible. He was always by my side: holding my hand, hugging me, playing with my hair, or taking my hand and touching it to his face. I can't even explain how beautiful it is to have someone you have just met show you this kind of love. 

Christalin

The first hour of Zanfon (after mopping) was spent at the chalkboard - Christalin was teaching me Creole. He wrote my name (Ana) on the board with my age (22), then his name and age. He told me how to say both in Creole, among some other random words (chicken, bag). Later he would randomly quiz me on what he had taught. He would hug me, face in my belly, look up at me and say "I am your baby." He showed no sign of jealousy or territory when other kids would come hug me or play with me. He would just stand to the side, lovingly looking on at his friends and me play. Many times he would just silently sit there holding my hand. At one point, he was laying down with his head in my lap and Emma leaned over to me and said, "Is he calling you mom?" I looked down and realized that he was hugging himself with my arm while softly saying "Ma.... Ma..." oh. my soul. He speaks a little english, and I know a few phrases in Creole now. He asked me when I was going to go back to the United States and I said, "Sunday. Dimanche." "me, too. Christalin go back to les Etats Unis on Sunday. With you." He then buried his head in my shirt and said, "I love you." He held on. "I come with you? to the United States? Oui?" "I wish you could, Christalin." "no. take me with you. I come back with you." This may not seem like an unusual request, since we were at a house made up of a hundred Hatian orphans. However, a few little girls came up to me later andd said, "You need to take Christalin back with you. To the United States." "what?" "when you go back. You take Christalin to live with you." 


Christalin is an undocumented orphan. 
He will never be able to leave Haiti, let alone be able to "go home" with me, or any other family from the United States. 
He will be living in Haiti forever. 


My heart is breaking. 
My soul aches. 


The people and children here in Haiti are the most compassionate and servant hearted people I have ever met. Why on earth is it that these amazing people, like Christalin, will never have a place to call home besides an orphanage? Why can't he ever know what a mother's love feels like? It isn't htat they aren't well cared for at Zanfon. They hace places to sleep, food to eat, they even have an old xbox. But they don't have parents. They don't know what having and being a part of a family is like - outside of Zanfon. Why? How can we change this? How can Christalin have a mother? My heart is so heavy, but full. I know the Lord has a plan for these amazing people. 


Help me see it. 
Help me understand it. 
Help me be part of it. 


Help me. 


 Prayer Requests: 
Christalin (and all the children of Zanfon & Maison (the orphanage of documented kids) 
Our team's health the leaders from the California group are stuck in the dominic republic airport. pray that they can get here. 
 that the people of Haiti will see God's light through us.